So basically there’s this guy…..& I started talking to him in 10th grade. When I started talking to him I was in the process of getting over someone who I had been talking to for over 4 years. When I love I love hard to say the least. Anyways, I really was stunting him but I gave him a chance anyways. Within giving him a chance I really started feeling him, of course I was hard at showing it because I had JUST got over someone and I didn’t want to be in a vulnerable position again. I am a firm believer…never show your weak spot! Within talking to him he began talking to a girl. I won’t say any names due to confidentiality but if you know…then cool! This was my summer going into 11th grade we stopped speaking and they started kicking it. When school started back we picked up where we left off at. Then he started DATING another girl, I was kinda hurt because I was really trying to talk to him but I mean it was what it was. In the time while he was with her we began messing around. He performed oral sex on me, (; and some more shit, but I was a virgin and I wasn’t letting go of that. Anyways….12th grade summer came up and he was single & we started kicking it. He came over and I feel asleep in his arms, it was the FIRST time I really felt like a guy cared. I mean I CLEARLY should’ve stopped talking to him a while back…but I was dumb naive, a girl to say the least. Well my senior year went on and on September 17th I FINALLY gave in and gave up my v-card to him. Why, I don’t even fucking know. Not even a month later he ended up getting into ANOTHER relationship. All the false promises he feed me of “we’re going to one day be together” was finally coming clear it was just bullshit. Once we had sex I kinda felt really close to him like whatever he did I would stick by his side. Then on october 8th I found out news….I won’t say on here just because I don’t want people to judge me on the decision I made. To say the least we’ve been through ALOOOOOOOT! & he still be on that bullshit. So then fast foward to recently. He was having sex with a girl that goes to my school. I mean he had no respect for her. I’ve seen her naked photos, her ignorant text messages full of thirst and everything. I almost felt like competing was fun like it was just something I was suppose to do, but nah fuck that. I realized if a guy really cared about me I would never have to compete for their attention. I have had all these things bottled in for so long until two days ago when I found out one of my so called fucking “friends” was talking to him. Bitches ain’t shit…niggas ain’t either. When I found this out all I could think about was the night of graduation he asked me if she could ride in the car with me because she needed a ride. I said yes, luckily he ended up finding another way but she ended up there. They were together there while I was standing with my bestfriend. They both claimed they were “just friends” but they were both lying. I don’t hate her surprisingly, and I don’t hate him I just feel so little and like shit. I never have trusted guys, like I don’t trust my dad, my grandfathers, my uncles….none of them. So for me to put so much into someone and to get SO little out it sucks. I sometimes just have sex with other people in hopes it’ll make me not care about him anymore. It never works it always makes me feel even worst. Now I’m gonna try something new. No guys, No sex, No him, No nothing until college. I feel like i’ve played myself for the last 5 years of my life with two guys who didn’t give a rats ass about me….so now i’m gonna be selfish and not give a fuck about anyones feelings besides for mines. STARTING AT 1:18 June 5 2012.